My Dad Still Have Unresolved Issues with his Long Dead Father
My dad is in his mid-seventies, and my grandfather passed away more than 45 years ago. I never know my grandfather. The family hardly talked about my grandfather.
Lately, a cousin showed a distant relative picture in the family group chat. We have no contact with this distant relative. The picture triggered my father and wrote a long story about how that extended family ill-treated his family. Despite the disrespect, my grandfather did not stand up to defend the family. The rest of the chat was harping on how useless my grandfather was.
The rest of the family members kept quiet on the group chat. I have no idea how to respond. Maybe allowing my father to sound out all his grievances there could be a closure for him. Certain traumas, certain bad experience is an anchor that would drown the person for years. As an outsider, we thought the matter is resolved but the wound is as fresh as yesterday. This is a self-imposed prison. Besides my father, most of the parties in his story has passed away. Yet he still plays out the bad experience in his mind.
I know I have issues with my father. It is not as bad as he had with his father. I never talk about my bad experiences with my children, as I feel that there is no need for them to know. Do I still replay the bad experiences? Likely, but not as frequent as I used to do.
We all have our issues; it is just how well we hide it. Certain issues will never have closures. The only way is to let it be. Move on and live life with our best effort.