The Pursue of Success Brought the Worst out of Me
I caught up with a friend whom I have not seen for nearly seven years. I sporadically update him via short messages about my life. We finally had a long chat after seven years gap. We mostly talked about my business journey. Through the conversation, I learned more about myself.
The pursue of success has brought out the worst of me. I started my business in mid 2020 when Covid-19 was at its peak. In the last five years, I have some minor success. During this period:
I have become passive aggressive. I do not yell at people, but I would say things that hurt people.
There are no more balance in my life. My kids has grown up, they require less attention. I just keep working. If I am not working, I be thinking about my work. I work through holidays and weekends.
I drink more than I admit. On Monday and Thursday night, I would drink with my friends. I have a strict two drinks quote. Before I started my business, I only have 1 drink a week.
I am a phone addict. Whenever I have the time, I will check my phone for messages. I am always afraid that I miss my client's messages. If I need to reply the message, I get very uncomfortable until I get the message out.
I only think about development. My form of "entertainment" is self-improvement. Watching movies or shows are a waste of time. If I watch a show, I would be watching it at 1.5 times speed.
I am attracted to power. I learned that by having power, I can get things done my way. I would learn about acquiring power. I read books and listen podcast about historical people who are ruthless with power.