You Can't Change Your Parents. Stop Trying
My relationship with my father has always been unstable. As I was growing up, I have always been the "good boy". Every aspect of my life was his design. He even tried to influence my children. I never dare to say no to him, but the resentment builds within me. Eventually everything boiled over in my early 40s. We did not have a fall out; I decided to do what I see and feel is correct.
Many times, his words, his actions become my problems as I need to undo the damage or maintain peace at home. I know he grew up dirt poor and is the first family member to graduate from university. During his prime, all family decisions go through him, he even has a say over his siblings' family. As the family grows, he loses his influence. I am sure he wants the best for the family, but no one listens to him anymore.
I have given up on trying to change him and convince him not to meddle with other's people life. Or give sharp comments over someone's life decision. I can only accept his actions and remind myself that words are sharp. Words can hurt. It is better to keep my mouth shut. As a son, I love my father very much. Many of my early success and comfort are due to his effort. As time moves on, I also have to move on.
I may not be able to convince them to see what I see. My only way is to shelter them and accept them. There is no need respond to their words. Give the best to them. They did their best for us. We may think that it is not right, but that's their best. Let's value that.